Please read first before answering…

First off, I want to warn you this is long cause I’m not good at writing the gist. This is what happened to me this day at the university exactly so that you could understand it well. I hope… Well, I didn’t finish it. I didn’t write the ending part but I think you’ll get my point with just those. Please I need help. I feel so counfused. I don’t know what to do. And because of that I feel stressed and depressed. My heart is beating fast out of slight anger, embarrassment, confusion… Thank you in advance! Every advice would be gladly appreciated… God bless! <3

Me and 2 friends went for a theatrical audition in our university. We are first year college. They told us to fill up a form. In the paper they asked us, "Why do you want to join?" I wrote: So that I can develop my skillsm and have incentives. "What are your hobbies?" I wrote: singing, baking, swimming, and photography. (I can’t write more cause I was in a hurry because it’s 5pm and I need to get home early.)

At the interview and audition, Sir asked me "How did you know there’s an audition?" I said "Through the papers posted on the wall."
"Why do you want to join? What do you mean by incentives? Financially? Why? Is it because you want scholarship?" Then I said, " No sir, because for grades. I want plus points to add."

But still he didn’t get my answer he asked me again a similar question, "Is this incentive for free tuition? Do you need scholarship? Cause you know what… Yes, we were thinking of giving scholarship for this theatre. But it is still vague…" <— And I can’t exactly remember the "vague" part. I don’t even know if he’s talking about me as vague or the tuition subject is vague. I searched the menaing of "vague" which means not clearly expressed. And I answered him, "No sir, I mean because teachers told me that there will be plus grades or incentives if we join up activities. In subjects, plus points. Plus points." He then said: "Oh, plus points… In…"

I’m so irritated because what’s so "vague" about what i wrote or said?? Did I wrote something not understandable? I explained him it. I didn’t understand and remember what he said… And I do have a feeling that he didn’t GET what i said…

Then next he asked me, "Oh, hobbies… Baking, photography, swimming and singing…" Then he looked at his co-judge like being sarcastic. I thought to myself "Oh fudge!! Should I have wrote related hobbies for theatre. Like, just singing or hosting or acting only? Cause theatre is composed of singing, acting and dancing… And I carelessly wrote out of pressure hobbies i have about you know what…" I feel like they were thinking, "Why the freaking hell will she write about these? It doesn’t relate… I don’t get it. I think she’s stupid…" But I don’t find it wrong, though something is telling me it is… He said, "Oh, so you do photography? Is it digital camera?" I said "No sir, the professional camera…" He said " Who is your mentor?" Then I said, "No sir, it’s just a hobby. I don’t have one." He said then "blahblahblah… Start…!! Okay so theatre is about blahblahblah… It’s either it will make you or will break you… Or will mold you to have self-confidence blahblahblah…" I can’t tell the story further…

F***!! I feel so degraded and embarrassed. When he asked, "Financial? That’s why you want incentives?? … It’s so vague…" I am embarrassed and degraded because that’s not what I meant. I’m financially stable. Doesn’t he know that incentives mean plus points to my batch? It’s because that’s waht my teachers say and mean bu incentives which is PLUS POINTS. Not just financial incentives. I know there are lots of diff kinds of incentives. Not saying because out of pride or boasting but I don’t like people thinking of me needing money. I have good allowance. I have 30% scholarship… Though he said I am very good and I have a potential but still…

Btw, this "Sir" I’m talking about is a senior college student of political science. I called him sir out of respect.

Help!! I feel so confused, stress and my heart beats so fast because of thinking about it. I can’t sleep well. I’m trying my best to sleep just to forget it. Because you know what? It’s because I want to approach him and clarify and clarify waht I meant by incentives. Again, I want to have my dignity back. Though I’m not saying that scholarship is bad, it’s because the way he said it as if I’m sooo in neeeeed of money.

This is what I want to say to him if I’ll see him "Sir, I just want to clarify that what I meant by incent
…Incentives is PLUS POINTS. As in for grades!! INCENTIVES=PLUS POINTS. So that my grades will earn plus ponts… I mean moral incentives Not financial incentives…" D:<